My sweet boy turned 2....a while ago.

This is old news, but with everything that has been going on with my health, Carson's birthday was sorta just thrown together. He turned 2 right after I got out of the hospital. My sweet mom went shopping for me, got the cake, etc etc. I usually throw a big party, with everything very thought out, but that just didn't happen. And you know what...it all worked out!!

I cant even describe how sweet my little buddy is.

• he loves to say "good morning mama", followed by a huge hug and slobbery kiss first thing
• then, he asks for "dinner (everything is dinner to him) and choc milk and watch mickey mouse please"
• he loves to wake up his brother and sister. He is very sweet about it too
• he loves animals...but we don't have one, which makes my kids sad
• he loves his blanket...its starting to be a problem
• he loves his shoes, and tries to get himself dressed
• he tells me when he needs his diaper changed...and likes to got potty on the toilet
• he loves to eat....i mean really, he would sit in his chair and eat all day. whatever too!
• he is such a good little dancer and loves music
• he says please and thank you for everything...so cute
• he finally loves nursery
• he loves grandma and grandpa more than me
• he cant get enough of his daddy....he likes to watch basketball with him

this list could go on for days....i love him. I love hanging out with him everyday. I love the cuddles i get from him. He brightens my day. I'm so very blessed....not sure how I got so lucky.

I know....this picture is frightening. This is sometime before my surgery.

Jason showed this to me for the first time tonight, and well, it scared me.

It's been 3 weeks....and my recovery is VERY slow....but, I'm doing a little better every day. My Dr tells me mid June or July I will feel like myself again. So, until then, I just take it easy, sleep alot, and cuddle with my kids as much as possible!

Once again, I cant thank my dear friends and family enough for your love and concern....its truly overwhelming. I love you all from the bottom of my heart.

Broken heart....and broken body.

Last week, on this day, my life changed. Let me tell you about it...

wed night around 9pm: that's when it all starts. Very, very sick...and off to the ER we go.

tests, tests, and more tests.

my husband so scared.

me...not with it at all, so not aware of whats happening.

Thursday at 5am: starting to get some scary tests results back.

1. we don't have a heartbeat on the baby.

2. my white blood count is thru the roof...which means major infection in my body

3. Priesthood blessings to keep me calm and safe

7am: I am bleeding internally. Not sure where this is coming from.

My husband, so so scared. but by my side every single second.

9am: another ultra sound and more tests

11:00: Dr's still trying to figure out whats going on....I'm getting worse and worse.

everyone can see it. I can't talk, I can't open my eyes, I can hardly breathe.

12:00: A radiologist, internal Dr, and my OB meet.

that is when they discover, after looking over all my tests and ultra sounds what is happening.

a few minutes later....

many Dr's in my room, papers being thrown at Jason to sign, prepping me for emergency surgery.

Another priesthood blessing, on the way to the OR. Thank you Dad.

I am pregnant with twins. One is stuck in my Fallopian tube...which burst and is causing internal bleeding. Which, at this point I am bleeding to death.

I lost 2500cc of blood in surgery....1/2 of my bodies blood.

Huge blood transfusion performed, and I'm alive.

I was watched over every second....I know this. I'm so very very grateful.

While my heart and body are broken, I'm still here for my kids and for Jason.

I am now home from a long hospital stay.....and so happy.

Thank you all for your prayers, phone calls, texts, flowers, dinners, etc etc.

I love you all.